In my words

I am thinking about...
…how can I make a living out of something I am passionate about.

I said...
…that to myself. Not aloud yet.

I want to...
…see the world.

I wish...
…I could stop time, sometimes.

I hear...
…K2, K3's sweet voices when I think about them.

I wonder...
…when will I ever grow up.

I regret...
…about nothing. Touche wood.

I am...
…unintentionally lazy.

I dance...
…funnily, whenever I am extremely happy.

I sing...
…often. And on demand when on A's bike.

I cry...
…easily when sad, happy, scared, frustrated, irritated, nervous, angry, sick, clueless, etc. Did I miss any emotion there?

I am not always...
…happy with myself.

I make with my hands...
…all things nice and beautiful. I am sure my friends will vouch for that.

I write...
…to clear my thoughts.

I confuse ...
…people when I just don't react the way they expect me to.

I need...
…my family, my friends.

And finally I need to undergo a training to stop trying to please everybody.

Thanks Deppe for helping me break my blogging-break with the tag.

I would love to see how Pals and Aroop do it.

A's contribution to K's weirdness quotient.

As promised A's here with his points.

• One of the weird things that I can’t help notice about K is her sense of imagination. No, not the kind of imagination that rest of us have... Hers is unique one.
Tell her that you saw a rabbit riding a horse and the look on her face is a dead give-away that she is actually imagining that before dismissing it. I am not complaining about this, as it can be really amusing :))

• Another thing which I find rather amazing / frustrating / mind-boggling is her ability to remember things. Many times I ask her if she remembers so and so person we met the other day and she quips, was he the one holding green colored bag and mushroom colored hanky!!! She remembers every actor’s, actresses’ and their parents’, kids’ birthdays and anniversaries. She remembers everything that is not even worth hearing / reading. No wonder she kicks %$# in quizzes.

Yuhoo!!

On Sunday, 16th July, my dear friend U, gave birth to Eisha. Here's wishing the proud parents all the joys of parenthood.
Don't ask me how I have resisted the temptation to post the pics. But take my word, she's a real looker!

My Weirdness Quotient

I am extremely sorry Deppe for doing the tag so late. The delay is because:
(1) A could not make up his mind - whether to list out his wife's weird habits or to diplomatically stay out of trouble. I guess the offer was too tempting to refuse. After all, where in the world does a husband get the chance to officially announce the weird things his wife does?
(2) Yours truly spent a lot of time to coax/threaten him. Yeah, I tried the "tickle" trick.

So after scratching my head, tapping my chin, looking somewhere in the sky I thought real hard about 3 (just 3?) things people find weird about me. A will contribute two points later. Let’s see when.

• I constantly feel cold and many times I inadvertently keep asking my colleagues if they feel the same. The weird thing is I just fail to realize that the person next to me is sweating and cursing the heat and I go ahead and think aloud "My God, isn’t it so cold?" In fact I generate a lot of negative publicity wherever I go as the "female who always complains about the AC".

• Whenever we go out for breakfast, I stick to the regular idli-sambar. Like the true-blue weirdo, I take 5 minutes to go through the menu, look at what the other patrons are eating, then mentally cross out all options and finally place my order of idli. It's more of a ritual. No wonder I am on the hit-list of many irritated friends with whom I have had breakfast. Right, this is limited only to breakfast.

• While watching TV I stick to just one channel. Can you believe that? No matter which the channel is, from AXN to Zee TV Telugu (I don’t understand a word of Telugu) you will find me watching the TV with complete concentration. As far as channel surfing is concerned I am caught in a time warp. I think this is because of the obscene amount of time I have spent watching just Doordarshan (cable TV was a late entrant to my house) right from Su-prabhat to Shubha-ratri.

More weirdness when the guest obliges.

Yet again.

Cocooned in my office cubicle, insulated from the rest of the world I had no inkling that just one hour ago Mumbai burned in yet another series of bomb blasts. It was not until I saw a colleague of mine frantically trying to call his folks back in Mumbai that reality hit me.

The scale of destruction, the loss of lives, hopes, dreams and innocence is massive. Common people, after putting a hard day at work were on their way home. Like us they would be thinking of several things they would do in the evening...what to cook for dinner, household chores to finish before hitting the bed, helping kids with their homework, and one brutal act of coward fanatics brought everything to an end.

Reports say that more than 200 people perished in the blasts and hundreds were injured. But the number of people who are scarred for life is much greater than that. Entire families have torn apart.

The newspapers are filled with praises for how Mumbai has bounced back. Politicians are claiming that Mumbaikars have yet again defied terrorists' plans and that normalcy has been restored. Please try telling that to the waiting child whose mother will never return home.

And there goes my weekend!

If anyone asks me what I work for, you will hear me saying "Weekends" without a moment's hesitation.So you can imagine the numbness that has crept over me when I come to know that I have to work this weekend.
Yeah,yeah...yet another character building experience.

Cabbages and Cauliflowers and CTS

There is something with the cabbages and the cauliflowers we get these days. The vegetables have lost their flavor, taste and their beautiful colors. Don’t know why the cabbage is whiter than before (give me back my green cabbage) and why the cauliflower is just all smell? Exasperates me. Call me names. But for some time I am just knocking off these vegetables from my grocery list.

Now digressing a little...

Have you heard of the Carpal Tunnel Syndrome? The CTS? For people like me who work on the computers all day long in offices which are NOT ergonomically designed CTS can’t be ignored. For the past few days I have been feeling pain in my fore arm and the wrist and sometimes the elbow hurts too. Every click of the mouse becomes painful and whenever I flex my fingers I can hear a "kut-kut" sound. The sound doesn’t prove anything according to A. But the ever paranoid me thinks this is the warning bell. My right hand is my right hand!!

I have browsed and browsed a lot looking for any info about CTS. I am now armed with a list of simple exercises to be done at the desk, advice to rest the elbow while using the mouse and suggestion to learn keyboard shortcuts.

Guys, be careful with how you work on you computers. Because we spend the precious 8 (at least) hours every day of our "prime time" this way and the last thing we need is a monster like CTS.

Yappy Weekend!!

Anyways

Why does good time fly so fast?
Had a good weekend with both A's and my parents with us. It's always good to have parents around...they spoil you silly no matter how old you have grown. The weekend zoomed past. Before I realized it, it was time for goodbyes. And to say that I am not very good at saying goodbyes would be the understatement of the century. Anyways.

For a long time we have been planning to visit my grandparents. They recently celebrated their 53rd wedding anniversary. Touche Wood. One look at them and you can not believe that there is any other couple with more contradictions. But both of them are extremely sweet, very loving and charming. Thank God for grandparents. Just thinking of all the splendid times we spent with them, I melt deep inside. If only it was possible to visit them more often...if only they stayed as healthy as before...Anyways.

To meet old friends after a looong time over a yummy ice cream (okay, even without the ice cream) is so comforting...especially when you discover that your friends have not changed over the years and you still connect on the same plane. The nostalgia and the "you remember that day...” stories make you want to believe that you had so much more fun in those good ol' days than today. Anyways.

And talking about today, I must tell you that the weather has become Superb. Yes, with the capital S. :-) After two months of unbearable heat, it's a treat to look at the blue skies and feel the cool breeze in one's hair. Being under the influence of the water sign I get super excited during the rainy season. Folks be warned, this cancerian can be bubbling with happiness one moment and in-her-shell the other. Anyways.

Summer Woes

Summer is just chand dino ka mehmaan now, and I can't say how relieved I feel at the thought.
I know I have mentioned my love of rain sometime ago on the blog. But don’t be surprised if you see me cribbing about the gloomy rainy days, the muddy puddles on the roads and the horror of the clothes taking forever to dry. But right now I'm eagerly counting days for Mriga Pravesh and the poetic kaale-kaale badal.

This is my fourth summer in Hyderabad, and every year the city has kept up its promise of climbing up the temperature scale. Highderabad. Every morning when I get ready for office any onlooker will mistake me to be Phoolan Devi with my face veiled in a scarf. I raise the non-tainted windows of the non-AC cab and feel just like a potato being baked in the oven. I choose to sit sweat-drenched in the cab rather than get scorched by the hot air that rushes in through the windows. Life is all about choosing between the lesser of the evil you see. So, by the time I reach office I am so ready to die-I mean crash that it's sheer perseverance and determination on part of the people who make me work the full 8 hours or so. With no volition of mine. (Thankfully, this I-will-die-in-this-heat-syndrome lasts only 2 months.)

My harsh views about summer only mellow with the sight of the pretty kairi (raw mango) and the bounty of summer fruits and the sweet childhood memories associated with summer vacations.
I take my time and test others' patience in choosing between kairi chutney or kairi rice, kairi panhe or kokam sherbet. And reflect philosophically… Life is also about choosing the greater good, isn’t it? ;-)

Keeping the blog alive

March 30th was Chaitra shuddha paadva, celebrated as the Hindu New Year. It is on this day that Lord Brahma created the universe.
Gudi Paadva is a big festival in Maharashtra. It's a public holiday and people spend time with their family and friends.
Like during any other Indian festival. :-)
Since it always coincided with our school exams, for few years Gudi Paadva was strongly associated with butterflies in stomach. Not any more. Now, not just paadva, but any festival brings back happy memories and smile to my face.
We used to have Satyanarayan pooja performed at our place. The Guruji used to be super busy with many pooja to be conducted during the auspicious period. So he used to come to our place early in the morning. We used to listen to the same Satyanarayan katha year after year without getting bored. Of course we had the delicious prasad and panchamrut tirtha to look forward to at the end of the pooja.
Mom used to prepare the bitter-sweet-sour concoction of tamarind and jaggery, spiced with cumin and a little hing. The delicate neem flowers floated on the surface. What a yummy way to start the New Year! Without being preachy, the elders taught us to enjoy our share of bitter-sweet things in life.
After that we used to do the Gudi pooja and erect it on the terrace. It is said that on this day of Gudi Paadva, the people of Ayodhya welcomed their beloved king, Lord Rama by erecting gudis to celebrate his victory over Ravan. The Gudi which is decorated with a silk sari, neem leaves, flowers and a kalash is a symbol of hope and joy. You feel that you are part of a big celebration when you see these beautiful gudis dotting windows, terraces and balconies.

Though we were not with our parents and other loved ones to celebrate the New Year, we tried to do every small thing that we could to capture the essence of the festival.

Since I mentioned "butterflies in the stomach" let me give you an update.
If you know me, I'm sure you will know that I'm a sucker for business quiz or just any quiz. So, after a long long time I got the opportunity to participate in one organized in my office. And it was every bit the fun that I had anticipated! And every single butterfly that fluttered in my stomach looking at one brilliant question after the other was worth it.

The not-so Secret Lake

Picture Courtesy: Maks

A bumpy ride to my office is rewarded with this beautiful view.

Rang diya basanti

You choose to be silent (or forced to be) when you have nothing to say, or when there are so many things to say and you don’t know from where to begin. Or sometimes you just don’t feel like saying anything. A bit of each of these applies to me, and hence such a long, unplanned break.

The first thing that struck me this morning was, it's already more than 2 months into the New Year!! Man, where did all these days go? I sit down, take a moment to clear my thoughts and check out.

***
I don’t remember much of January at all. Except for our much-awaited vacation in the last week of January.
Yeah, yeah...I will write about it in an independent post.

***
February was work, work and work. Same for A.

The highpoint of February was to watch Rang De Basanti. The movie which you can’t ignore. Right from the moment the screen comes alive with the words

"Ab Bhi Jiska Khoon Na Khaula, Khoon Nahin Voh Paani Hai,
Jo Desh Ke Kaam Na Aaye, Voh Bekaar Jawaani Hai",

You sense that this is no ordinary movie. You better be prepared for the impact which is going to knock you off.

Writing anything about the actors, the way they have lived their characters, the way the story is told and all those sepia images of Bhagat Singh, Azad, and Bismil will just be running out of superlatives. So, I'll not try to do that.
I'll just say that go, watch for yourself.

There are so many moments in the film which stay with you for a long time. The carefree friendship of DJ, Aslam, Suki, Sonia, and Ajay warms the cockles of your heart. You see your friends in their faces. You shrug your shoulders at their indifference. You laugh with them. Their grief makes you cry, their anger makes you angry. Their dilemma is very much the dilemma we all face today.
And then they do what they feel is right. They think it's their only chance to make a difference. Their only shot to awaken a generation.

Whether the film is realistic, whether it sets the right example, I don’t know.
But I know that it stirs you and urges you to "Be the Change" that you so desperately want to bring about in the system.
When the film ends and the credits start rolling with the strains of “Rubaroo...Roshni" ringing in your ears, you realize that it was not just another movie.

Tag 20

Modesty has never been my strength you see. *winks* And when Jax tagged Lady K, I was not sure who he was referring to. But then I’m Lady K too! Thanks kaNo!

Here are 20 random facts about me.

-I love hot chocolate.

-I'm a self confessed hypochondriac. So, when I want to get wet in the rains which I would love to, I think about catching cold and falling sick. You know what I mean... and this is just an example. I don’t limit these theories to myself and so most of the time end up being a spoilsport.

-Lazing around, doing nothing, just relaxing is my idea of time well spent. This hardly happens because there are millions of to-do things spinning in my head all the time.

-I'm so much like the clingy crab which holds onto everything. I grow super protective of people I love and take it on myself to solve their problems. This is another reason why I can’t just relax. But I'll try pranayam for this.

-I remember almost everything. And I remember everything in minute detail. Dates, people, names, places, films, songs, books, long lost acquaintances, distant friends' parents' names, and everything else that I don’t want to remember. Sometimes I surprise myself with the amount of trash that I'm carrying in my head.

-I think I've grown patient with age, and my temper has mellowed a bit. Just a bit though.

-Sometimes when I look at the mirror, I don’t recognize the other me. Thankfully this happens mostly after I get a new hair cut.

-I like to talk to people and I make friends very easily. But I also enjoy solitude. I need some time for myself, to think, to destress.

-I dread losing my loved ones.

-A is the best thing happened to me so far.

-I'm a mama's girl and daddy's girl too!

-I'll always remain a mother hen to K2 and K3.

-I can’t express gratitude without tears in my eyes. So I generally write “thank you” notes or emails to people.

-I've wept like a fool while watching most of the movies till date. Be it Troy or the Rajesh Khanna starrer comedy "Bawarchi". I try to hide my tears in such situations to save embarrassment, but my stupid nose which turns deep red whenever my eyes leak catches everyone’s attention.

-I love public speaking and have no stage fright.

-My mom used to call me Gajanayani (the elephant eyed) for the narrow slits I have for eyes. And let me tell you it’s not flattering at all.

-Most of the people who have known me for years are pleasantly surprised to see that I can cook.

-I've a starting problem. When I’m about to do something new, exciting, challenging I'm unsure of myself. It's like I always need someone to push me into the deep waters. From there I pick up myself and start enjoying the challenge.

-Many people who didn’t leave favorable first impressions have later become my very good friends.

-I like to read about exotic foods, elaborate recipes, etc but enjoy simple home made food any day.

Phew! Now this was a tough task with rounds of filtering and re-filtering some facts and making them look as normal as possible.

Anyone who wants to have some fun, you are tagged!

Happy Republic Day

Today our office building is decorated in the tri-colors. Saffron, white and green balloons, people wearing khadi outfits, sporting the Gandhi-caps and songs like "Aye Vatan, aye vatan, humko teri kasam" playing in the background, we are all geared up for the Republic Day.

I'm wearing a tiny tricolor flag on my jacket. Every time I look at it from the corner of my eye, I feel proud. I feel extremely proud. For a moment I forget that for millions others, India is just another third world country. I forget the surprised look on the faces of my Non-Indian colleagues to see the tall buildings, wide roads, multiplexes, etc in my country. (But I enjoyed their shock to not see a single elephant on the roads!!) I forget the pain of seeing corrupt politicians ruining my country. I forget the anguish of knowing that thousands of my countrymen can’t afford even a decent meal. I forget it all.

The tiny tricolor reminds me of my rich heritage. It reminds me of all the struggle and the sacrifice that earned us our independence. It reminds me that all Indians, wherever they are in the world are my people, we are all one. It inspires me to believe that we are making a difference in every field. And more than anything, it makes me happy to be born as Indian.
(I know, every American or every Zimbabwean would say the same thing about their countries.) :-)

But for now, if you ask me, "Saare jahan se achcha, Hindustan hamara"

Wishing you all a happy Republic Day!!

Sankranti for me,

as a kid was all about the til-gul polis that mom made, the rangolis I drew in our courtyard and of course those kites! I remember looking at other kids fighting the kite-wars, crying out "Kkaaattt", and then running wildly after the kites won. The sky would be painted with hundreds of kites and every terrace or open space would be a venue of a noisy party.

I always wanted to be part of that real-action but I’ve never done that. This Sankranti with A, a kite-enthusiast, I knew I had a good chance of flying a kite.
So, Saturday saw us at A's cousin's place. 5 mins of exchanging pleasantries and munching on the til-gul laddoos, we got down to serious business. Both A and his cousin had had kite-colored childhood. They gave us (the cousin's husband and me) the technicality of where to tie the thread, how long that should be, which manja is good quality, why kites should be attached with tails (not just tails, but very very long tails), which kite is flyer-friendly, etc. The lil-too eager audience was mighty impressed. A actually used words like "the dynamics of kite-flying, the air-resistance, body-weight of the kite, balance", etc. For a whole minute I forgot that he was talking about just a simple kite!
The practical took place on the terrace.

I had no idea that we unknowingly had a traitor amongst us. A sweet traitor though. Even before our kite began to soar, A's 3 year-old nephew(S) pounced upon the thread and with all the strength of his tiny body began cutting it! Two of us tried to distract the tiny devil with a battered kite while the other two tried to fly the kite. The day saw two of our kites being swooped upon by the enemies. (They stood out with their brilliant tails, was our obituary for them.) But we also had a loot of 2 kites! Zero-sum game. Nah! Unlimited fun!

It's a small world!

I'm taking you on an imagination trip folks.
Imagine. You stumble upon a blog which you like at the first click. (How clichéd me!)
Then, you keep visiting and love it even more. And you discover that this wonderful blogger is your spouse's very good friend! What a coincidence!
Now, this blogger traces your comments on her blog to you and somehow "smells" who you are...Remember you don’t know each other and have not ever met. What will you say? After sticking out your tongue in amazement, of course.

Well, yours truly has been smiling widely reading Luxy's comment and realizing for the nth time that it's indeed such a small world!

...

Thursday looks so much better!! Is it because you are already on the other half of the week and can almost smell the weekend?
In school, I hated Sundays! Because I loved getting ready for school, cycling all the way, meeting my friends and coming back home to my smiling mom waiting at the door.
Now like any other 5-day-a-week office goer I live for the weekends. Not that I do much during the weekends, usually it’s just the simple "joy of doing nothing" that I drink in. ;-)

Thursdays I fast. Not feast. I mean seriously, my relatives take fasting on the occasional ekadashis and mahashivratris so seriously that the next day their tummies ache out of overwork. Since I'm too lazy to cook sabudana, bhagar, fry fast-special savories I conveniently go the healthy way with a little fruit and milk.

The purpose of this post was to just write my mind. To see whether I could do it. And ever since my mind got whiff of this, the poor thing's gone blank!

Mid-week crisis

There's something in the air today. I just don’t feel like working. Actually none around me is in any mood to. So I though why not take a break from staring into the monitor and pretending to think something and really think something...
I think I'm angry. I'm so very angry with myself and don’t know why. Most of the times when I've such angry thoughts, it's because I realize that there are many things I don’t have control over.

Well, for the last few weeks, the days seem to fly past without me doing anything. I want to do so many things, but don’t know what takes priority over the other. I so much remember my Mother's advice which is so cool, especially at times like these. Before every major exam that I took and had no clue where to start studying, she used to simply say "Just start studying somewhere." And it always worked! Hope every-day problems were as easy. Do you want a peep into my list of to-do things?

-I've to arrange things in my house. It's such a MESS!! I tend to get irritated to see a speck on a washed floor. And here I can see cobwebs, laundry by the baskets, old newspapers piling, receipts,bills,envelopes lying around etc...God! I can feel my bile rising...

-Then there are things like planning my investments. Just the thought of how to manage my money, how to do tax planning, how to provide for future purchases, etc is enough to give me shudders. Now, I'm a finance person. I've studied all this, but when it comes to making a real use of this stuff, WHY CANT I JUST DO IT?

These are just 2 things in my 324 bulleted points in my to-do list.

Mom, where do I start?

ps. I badly hope this is just Wednesday anxiety.

New Year's Resolutions

Worried about the rather infrequent rate at which I blog, I went to dig something I wrote last year. Thankfully, it's a very relevant piece especially at this time of the year. Nah, in fact it's relevant any day. I've kept my promise of prosting something about New Year's Resolutions.

**

Resolve to perform what you ought,
Perform without fail what you resolve.
-Benjamin Franklin

I'm sure when Mr. Franklin said the above he did not count mortals like
me. He would have never been able to understand the extremely short lifecycle of the resolutions I make. Or may be he was simply not talking about New Year resolutions.

The stupendous track record of my resolutions would go well with the quote:
Resolve to perform what you thought,
Shame to you if you perform what you resolve!

Like the whole world I eagerly await the New Year, albeit with a brand new diary.
The last page is filled with the resolutions I desperately want to stick to. In fact, with very few exceptions, my resolution-list has looked the same over the years. In the mean time, I have managed to finish school, graduated from college, earned masters, started working but...but maintained a curious consistency in my R-list.

Now, I know every bullet point in my beloved list by heart.

The first thing has always been my grand ambition to get up early in the morning and exercise for an hour daily. This is there since I was in high school. I scratch my head to try to remember when was it that I followed this regime for at least a week... No luck.

In addition to getting up early I also religiously resolve to cut my daily sleep, learn 5 new words everyday, write a diary, learn a language, spend some time in solitude, pursue a hobby, read etc.

Hmm...Needless to say I get up when everyone around me has given up the hope of politely waking me up. I still need to sleep a solid 11-12 hours a day. Who cares if you don’t find time to even say "Hi" to the people who you think live in the house same as yours?
Daily exercise?? The thought itself is enough to burn the calories and send me on those guilt trips.
Learning 5 new words everyday is a distant dream now...why do we have dictionary.com if we could cram all those words invented?
Well, I've actually tried to maintain a diary. I enthusiastically buy a diary, I enthusiastically write 2-3 pages of it everyday for a week. Then suddenly my life becomes very boring and dull and I simply write a line “A normal day” or “Another hectic day”, etc for about a fortnight. Then my diary finds home at the bottom of my cupboard with older members of its community.
I still know only those languages I learnt about 15 years ago, which my mother taught. I think I can communicate alright.

So, the bottom-line is, almost all my resolutions have met untimely end and I did not even come to know of it till it was time to make a fresh list of resolutions.

Then why do I bother to even make these silly “I resolve to...” announcements every year? I do it because this simple activity brings so much hope!! It gives me a feeling that I've a chance to make a brand new beginning, all the mistakes and all the follies and all the falls are a thing of the past. Tomorrow is a new day and my slate is clean! My New Year resolutions have the power to make me believe that if I resolve I can be as super fit as a Wimbledon champ. I can sleep less and thus live longer. I can become a living-encyclopedia with all the reading I would do. I can become a writer and publish an autobiography with all my diaries. And the hope to live a more successful, richer and happier life stays alive!

Still, fortunately you don’t need to make resolutions for things which really count...like smiling more, staying in touch with friends, enjoying the beauty of 'this' moment, being kind to others, working sincerely...

Do we even need to wait for the New Year to make our resolutions?
Every day is a New Day of the Year, friends!!!

(By the way, I've reached the height of consistency this year, I just photocopied my last year's R-list.)

**

**!!Happy New Year!!**

It's the last working day of 2005! The office is very quiet as most of them are off.
I'm still not sure how I'd bring in the New Year. I'd prefer a quiet, relaxed celebration with A, at home.

And how does the year 2006 look? Full of promise! Because I've realized (Oh sooo late) that I'm already leading my dream life! There are no worries (except those perennial pimple-bad-hair day problems), nothing that I can't handle, and love of my loved ones. I no longer need to look up to tomorrow, as today is already mine.

My only public resolution is to count my blessings each day. Consciously. From the bottom of my heart. I'm really thankful to God for all that I've.

There are tons of old resolutions which I'll renew once again on this New Year, more out of habit. Will come back with a post on my New Years' Resolutions.

Till then, wish you all a very happy New Year!

"Then sing, young hearts that are full of cheer,
With never a thought of sorrow;
The old goes out, but the glad young year
Comes merrily in tomorrow."
(By Emily Miller)